owned_by_a_cat | Entries tagged with characters: jaejoong

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

A/N: Trying to cram in little bits of fanfic writing as I find time. And I haven't done a Jae diary for a while. For some reason, the first day of the Ground Forces Festival seems to have ended with a rather irate Jaejoong. Not on his own behalf, of course.

454

The worst thing about serving in the army? Not being able to go yell at people when they need to be yelled at. Yes, I know, it's hot and we're all tired and tempers were fraying a bit during the last minute preparations, but I really want to have a few choice words with the nitwit who decided to announce Junsu's album release date today of all days.

One of the guys - his sister is a big Junsu fan - told me his concert sold out in something crazy like ten minutes and the booking website died under the onslaught. It didn't surprise me in the least. Not that the fans love him, nor that they want to see him before he heads off to the army too.

So why couldn't the company time the announcement so it wouldn't coincide with the opening day of the festival? It's as if they didn't understand how the fans work! And I know that's not true.

Yeah, I want to go have words on Junsu's behalf. But, of course, behaviour like that would be unbecoming to the uniform I'm wearing. Or something. I can't even get to a phone and yell at someone while we're here.

And, for fuck's sake, keep the noise down! There are a few of us here who are actually working during this festival and we really could do with some sleep. Especially since you all had fun last night while we were burning the midnight oil getting everything ready… People, aish!

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

481

Some things you can never get away from. Even if you wanted to. Which I don't. The past is the past for a reason and I've never regretted what we had and what we did.

Still, doesn't mean it's not awkward at times. I was buying snacks at lunchtime when one of the guys told me he was a TVXQ fan. To which I had to point out that I'm JYJ.

Sheepish grins all round. A bunch of handshakes and requests for autographs. And before I knew it we had us a mini fan meet, right there in the middle of the garrison. I couldn't get much more embarrassed, really, but after relying on our fans for so long it's practically a habit and—as one of the guys from my unit pointed out very helpfully—the first guy could be forgiven for his slip if he'd ever seen me without a shirt.

It helps that those around me the most do get me. My sister suggested I explain and while that was awkward with a capital A, it seems to have done the trick. So I passed on her advice to Chun and Junsu, and when we got back from the store I called Junsu to get out of that hole.

He had Chun pics to cheer me up. Really ace chun pics. Yoochun's been going around with short hair for so long, I didn't think his look would change much when he enlisted. But boy was I wrong! On the photos from his enlistment ceremony he looks like a never before seen species of adorable chipmunk. And those were Junsu's words, not mine. Though chipmunk is close enough.

The crew photo is something entirely different, of course. That's Yoochun acting to the hilt. I wonder why he felt he had to play a role.

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

487

When I enlisted I'd sort of resigned myself to losing music for a couple of years. I was maybe hoping for the chance to write lyrics in my free time, if there was free time. I didn't think there'd be the chance to sing, and as for performing… I'd given up on that idea entirely.

I certainly didn't expect to be steeped in so much music while serving my time.

It's weird, and disconcerting.

But it's real.

Since March I've done auditions, rehearsals, performances, more rehearsals… and if I hadn't been wearing uniform, or had come straight from my regular duties, I could have pretended that nothing had changed. Almost nothing that is. Costume and makeup take much less time these days, even for a concert!

It makes for a weird military experience, though I'm sure Junsu would love it. He glows the moment he sets foot on any stage. I think the brass will fight over him. Soccer league or military band? Jerseys and football boots or scarlet and white?

Rumours this morning said that Yunho's been placed in his division's military band. Scarlet's always been more his colour than mine, though I dare him to dance in those boots!

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

491

Odd, individual items, when combined in the right proportions, can come together to create something amazing. Spices when you cook. Medicines or even explosives. Music, too, of course. Add just the right voice to a group or just the right harmony and a song will soar. That's how I've always felt about us when we were together… the right ingredients in just the right combination.

Even when you do your best to separate the pieces, you can't.

Or that's what I'm telling myself.

Got to call Chunnie before he left for his training camp. I'd have preferred to talk to him in person, but there was no chance of that. He wasn't mad at me for not being there. He had family and friends around him on his last evening. I kept hearing Junsu's laugh in the background. Not quite as bright as usual - or maybe that was just the phone - and I kept it together until we hung up. At least I hope I did.

I didn't want to worry Yoochun, today of all days. He needs to focus.

But who's going to be there for Junsu the night before he leaves? They were both there for me, back in March. Junsu was with Yoochun last night. Both of us will be tied up with our duties when Junsu enlists unless we are very, very lucky. We should have enlisted together, all on the same day…

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

492

I didn't think I could ever be jealous of Junsu and Yoochun. I think I am, though. Or is it envy rather? Whichever it is, it's a miserable feeling. Like a gloomy cloud that hangs over me whatever I do. So much so that the others have noticed.

They know it's our membership week, of course. And they can tell that I'm chafing at the bit, wishing I was there. It's not that I think the time spent serving in the army is wasted. I don't. And it isn't. It's just that we wouldn't have come as far as we have without our fans. They've been such a huge part of our lives for so long that we should all three be there to show our appreciation. But I'm stuck here and so Junsu and Yoochunnie have to work extra hard.

Especially Yoochun, who's joining the ranks this week.

And next year… none of us will be around and then what will happen?

I don't think that our fans will forget us, or turn away from us, but not being able to share at least a part of us with them is tough. The toughest part of the road yet.

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

A/N: Based on this twitter comment.

524

Pulling weeds is quite a step down from being shot at on the training ground. Right now I'll take it, though. Allows me to keep my head down and hide the colour in my cheeks. I don't need to see it to feel the red burning there.

The guys are rolling around laughing and I want to punch something. And all over a stupid tweet.

I know my family were worried about me when I enlisted. That they waited for news to hear how I was doing. And while sitting around a table writing letters was weird after being used to phone calls and texts, we all did it. I can't imagine making my first letter home something as meaningless as a random person's autograph. Neither can I imagine his parents finding it as funny as that tweet implied.

I said so, too. And the reply I got all but floored me.

What if it wasn't meaningless to him?

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

525

TV appearance. The guys, by now all caught up on our broadcasting issues even if they'd never heard of us before they enlisted, wondered if I was chuffed to be on TV.

And fell over laughing when I explained that it didn't feel any more real than being on TV doing drama. I was in costume, wasn't I? So were all of them, come to think of it. And we were all playing the role of dutiful soldiers, prodded this way and that and made to look good.

Which, of course, led to a discussion of why there was all this fuss about us not being on TV. Makes me want to roll my eyes, but how are they to know, really? The ones who had business or marketing jobs before enlisting got it without me having to explain, but some of the guys here enlisted right out of school. They've never even had a job yet. So how are they to know how tricky it is to promote a product with your hands tied behind your back?

So I compared it to Samsung launching the most advanced new phone and not being allowed to tell anyone. How would people know the phone even existed? How would they find out what it could do? Or where they could buy it? That seemed to get the message across.

Most had never considered music a product, I suppose. Truth be told, most days I don't either. Music is something I do, something I am. Packaged albums on the other hand…

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

526

Today's training was scarier than yesterday's.

Yesterday, we were a unit under fire and had to learn how to deal with it. For the most part, that means ignoring the noise, not thinking about the fact that someone is trying to kill you, finding cover, making sure you and your comrades are protected and focussing on the objective.

Today we were individuals under fire and had to decide whether we were the target or not. And whether to retaliate. Or not.

The moment our instructor added those last words, our faceless opponents became human. I couldn't see them, but all of a sudden there was not just a punk with a gun, but a man with a name and a family. And yes, he was shooting at us - at me and the comrades I had vowed to protect.

Still, deciding whether to use terminal force or find another way to stop the man from attacking us took a surprising amount of time and effort. For every single one of us. And yes, we do need to be able to assess situations much faster than that.

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

527

Getting shot at isn't exciting. Not even when you know it's a training exercise. When you've been told what is happening and how you're supposed to react. When you know that there'll be noise and smoke, but no actual bullet holes.

Even then, getting shot at is darned scary.

So scary, in many cases, that you freeze where you stand while your brain sorts out what's going on and decides what to do next. Even when you know exactly what you're supposed to do. When you've spent the last two hours practising each move. As soon as the mayhem starts, your brain calls a timeout.

I didn't think it would get me like that. A concert stage isn't quiet, after all. But I stood around just as clueless as everyone else for a few seconds longer than we all should have.

Which, given the way the army works, means a few more hours of training for all of us. At least until our brains stop worrying.

I wonder if wearing ear plugs would make a difference to our reaction time?

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

529

Lying in my bunk watching Changmin being princely. The guys said the drama was good and my noona loves it… and now I really want to call Changmin and ask how much that funky beard thing itches.

And how many dirty pictures he had to draw from experience to pass the audition.

He said that with such a straight face, too… It was priceless.

No blush, no red ears. He didn't even drop his gaze. And here I am, remembering him getting all embarrassed when he was asked about the kind of girls he liked. Makes me feel old, watching that.

We really need to convince Junsu to do period drama one of these days. He's at home in the weirdest costumes, so hanbok shouldn't be a stretch for him, right? If they make him a wandering minstrel, he could even sing his lines. That's it. He's the hottest minstrel going and all the courtesans are swooning over him, until he starts shaking that duck butt at inopportune moments and gets into trouble with the noble husbands and lovers who find him as appealing as their womenfolk.

Now there's a dirty picture for Changmin to draw…

And I'm simply genius at devising award-winning drama.

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

530

There's never enough time when you're on leave to do all the things you want to do. It matters little whether you're on leave from the army or got a rare day off from rehearsals and promotions. Between seeing friends and catching up with family, your free time is gone before you know it.

So it's good that we have quiet time here at weekends. And that noonas have packed me a bundle of fan letters to bring back and read, knowing quite well that I wouldn't get a chance to do it any other way. They'll bring a bunch with them every time one of them comes to visit and the guys have started to look forward to them as much as I do.

Not because they particularly want to read my fan letters, mind you - however sweet they are. But for the obvious entertainment they offer to us while we're stuck in here.

I think it started with an exotic looking stamp on one of the letters sent to the band that one of the guys ended up drooling over. He's a collector and for the next hour we got a lecture on rare stamps and how to treat them. He almost wept when I offered him the bundle of envelopes to see if there were any he fancied.

The next time letters came it had been raining and some looked rather battered. We couldn't go out, and TV wasn't an option, so we started calculating the total distance all the letters had travelled to get here to amuse ourselves. It was a small bunch of letters by my standards, but the mileage total was friggin' huge!

Which brings us to the latest game. The one that has everyone waiting for my fanmail. Don't tell the brass, but the guys in my unit are running a book… how many miles did the most widely travelled letter cover to get here? They're damned serious about it too. Postmarks and GPS and Google maps and all that jazz... I hear the pot of winnings is substantial.

And since I have no idea how noona makes up the bundle of letters she sends, and there seems to be no shortage so far, we have a lot of games yet to play.

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

A/N: Apologies for the temporary lack of updates. It's mad here: the publishers have surprised me with an audiobook offer for Job Hunt, so I've got to listen to audition tapes and make up my mind about those, all while trying to get House Hunt finished and keeping up with the day job. There are some very interesting comments stacked up in my inbox and I'll be answering those as soon as I have a spare brain cell... Because what's left of my brain after work has a decided HoMin focus right now. So, Joongie has too. Apologies.

531

So Yunho is joining the shaven-headed throng next week. Wonder how he feels right now. Keeping too busy to think much, most likely, what with promotions, all manner of final meetings and an album release. It's surprising, really, how much stuff there is that needs taking care of when you might not get the chance for a while.

For most men here, stepping through that gate isn't easy. Yeah, there are a few who see it as a way to make a fresh start, an alternative to a life that's too shitty to contemplate. But most of us have too much to leave behind, too much we're worried to lose, to come here with a light heart.

Yunho and Changmin are so close…he's bound to miss that. He's not going to miss the insane schedule they've been working to, I can tell him that much. Boot camp is tough and you have barely a moment to yourself, but it's a far cry from the pressure generated by a tightly packed concert, recording and promotion schedule.

He'll do well here. Physical exertion has never bothered Yunho. And he's stubborn as an ox when he wants to be. Yeah, he'll do well…

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

534

I could just say that it's been one of those days, but that wouldn't do justice to the endless string of mishaps. It started with shoestrings. Broken ones. Then my breakfast decided to join in the fun and decorate my field uniform, promptly turning the morning into a mad dash to get changed before reporting for duty.

Then PT in the rain. And another mad dash to get changed to make sure I got food into my stomach this time before the afternoon classes. Which involved paint. Paint that seemed magically attracted to me.

I've rarely felt so much like a toddler. And I'd never been so glad when we were done for the day.

And now this.

When I find out who left their new black socks in the washing machine, I'm gonna starch all their underwear and make them wear it during assault course training!

As if the day hadn't been crazy enough without having all my white t-shirts coming out of the wash in various hues of grey. And no chance to go out and get new ones until the weekend. Thank creation for khaki t-shirts that don't grab stray colour. At least I can keep looking presentable, even if the things are a little baggier than I'd like.

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

536

Leave was over far too quickly and yes, going back in was tricky. They'd all warned me and I was prepared to find it as hard as packing up and moving to Japan the first time around. Only… it wasn't that bad. After all, I knew what I was stepping back into. I even knew my schedule for Friday, so there were few surprises.

Though I think I get now why some of the guys trudge through the gate as if they're bearing the weight of the world on their shoulders when they come back. Restrictions. That's what most people can't handle once they're settled here. Not being able to go home for their parents' birthdays, not being able to rush out and help should help be needed. Getting news when it's old and cold. What it really all comes down to is not being able to decide for yourself.

Maybe the training I've had and the life I've lived has prepared me a little better for handling this. Living in dorms isn't so much different from living in barracks. Living to tight schedules of practice, appearances and training isn't that far different from army duty. Being away from your family and under a manager's thumb isn't any different from being ordered around as part of a unit.

We've lived like that for so many years I'm used to it. Maybe it's time to pass on some of the tricks I've learned to the clueless kids to make it easier on them.

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

A/N: Jae's first 100 days and it looks like he has been allowed on leave. While he's gone, I assume he has better things to do than write a diary. So I'll resume when he's back and amuse myself in the meantime with catching up on my reading and with writing Nowhere is Safe. Thanks for continuing to read!

540

What with MERS, being stuck inside and having to wander around with a funny haircut when we do get out, I've noticed that the shiny is definitely wearing off. Today I can say: One hundred days done, five hundred and forty left to serve.

Boot camp passed so quickly, I thought the rest would be over before I knew it too. Now I'm slowly coming to realise that it's not gonna be that fast. Even with new things to learn and unfamiliar things to do, there will be times when this will drag. For all of us here. And ways to cope with the drag are as individual as every guy here.

The more senior guys count from leave to leave even when we're allowed to see friends or go out at weekends. They're telling me it's not the same as being away from it completely.

Now I'm gonna find out whether they're right.

First leave to celebrate the first hundred days.

I'm determined to celebrate in style. And worry about the remained five hundred and forty days when I get back.

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

541

I'm used to living under a microscope. I'm used to living under a microscope. We all are and I keep telling myself that over and over. I'm used to living under a microscope. I'm used to being on display 24/7.

Sometimes it would be nice if I could be in public from sunrise to sundown and just be myself. It would be nice if I could do or say what I want without considering first how it will reflect on the others, on the company, on the way people see us, see me. On the way people judge us.

Keeping my face blank and my mouth shut is especially tricky when people shove news in my face. Yoochun having dinner in some fancy ramen place after filming. Junsu gearing up to battle cyber bullies. Yunho enlisting in a fortnight. Changmin passing his police exams. Sometimes, hiding under a rock or becoming a hermit on a mountain sound like a great idea.

I want to react, but then… is it unreasonable to want to keep just a tiny piece of myself just for myself?

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

542

Standing watch in the rain could be considered… miserable I suppose. It's also incredibly peaceful. Makes me think of the times when being out and about at 3am was normal - and not in the fun way.

Even cities like Tokyo and Osaka wind down a little in the small hours. They're softer then, less real in a way. Older too, with memories weaving through the air like fine mist. But when you've been awake for almost thirty hours practising singing, dancing and Japanese, when you're hungry and can't do anything about it because you're on a diet, and you're standing there shivering in the brisk chill… then you just tend not to pay attention.

Here, I have all the time in the world to pay attention to the quiet. The last hours before dawn are the best. There's trust in the way a camp sleeps, just as there are memories when a city winds down. And to those of us who watch over it… it feels like a privilege of sorts. Like watching a baby sleep.

Warm summer rain makes this more enjoyable, I'm sure. If I stood here in December, I'm sure I'd not contemplate the peace of the night. I'd be counting the seconds until I could go inside and get warm. But it's summer right now. So who says I can't enjoy my duties?

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

543

They've relaxed the visiting rules, so we no longer climb the walls at weekends. We were all trying to hide it, but that feeling of being shut in was getting to most of us. Being out with the troop during the week helped too, but having visitors at the weekend beats everything apart from the chance to go home. It's more relaxed, there's news you wouldn't get to hear any other way and even the silly hair doesn't bother me so much.

Lots of guys had friends visiting this weekend. The place was positively cheerful and there was food simply everywhere. Like a huge, impromptu party, everything seemed to merge together. It really makes you appreciate your friends. They all have busy schedules, but they take the time to come down to cheer us up.

Maybe that's what army service is really all about: building stronger ties, remembering the things that really matter. We're in here doing our bit, and our families and friends are all doing theirs.

And we had fun. So much fun that this morning's wakeup call came far too early. And waking with a headache when I've not even had a single drink is just not fair.

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

546

So, okay, I lost the bet.

To be honest, I didn't think I would ever win this one, super high stakes or not. There was a small chance that I might get posted to the asscrack of doom without the chance to communicate with anyone outside of the barracks unless I was on leave. I might have had a chance to win it then.

In any other scenario it was always a long shot. An extremely long one. So long that my noonas fell over laughing when I told them. And I couldn't rightly argue.

Five weeks without a phone during boot camp was purgatory, even though we didn't have a minute to ourselves all day and were dead tired the rest of the time. So even though that time was included in the bet, I never really felt it counted.

So… if I discount boot camp, that's seven weeks without posting a selfie.

That's not too shabby, right? Even if I did lose the bet.

All previous entries.

Series: T minus...
Rating: PG-13
Character: Jaejoong
Summary: Jaejoong keeps a diary during his enlistment...

547

Kids. I'm serving with kids. Clueless kids who don't know they're born. There they were, all through the morning's field craft class, giving me stick about using camouflage paint. Then, over lunch, they have to get into an argument on whether girls should wear makeup or not.

As if they even knew the first thing about it.

Maybe it was the heat. Usually I keep well away from pointless stuff like this. But today… ah, well. In the end they came down on a no makeup rule for their girlfriends and our subsequent discussion went something like this:

"Explain again why they shouldn't wear makeup?"

"Because it looks gross. Unnatural."

"Really. Tell me something: am I wearing makeup right now?"

Two guys climb half into my lap to inspect my face.

"No. Of course not."

"And you know that… how?"

Which is how I ended up conducting a makeup class during free time. Just to show them how stupid their comments were, of course.

All previous entries.